Love More

Since my last - a little over dramatic - post. I have been thrown into a world of reality, making me grateful for what I have, because - comparatively, life is good.  I was in the waiting room at the Juravinski Cancer center with a client from work, when I ran into someone who I knew. We said hi and chatted. Then I realized where we were sitting.... I fucking hate cancer (strong word I know but that's how much I hate it) I have seen too many people of all ages that I know succumb to this disease. I have seen too many people I know lose people they love because of it. It just sucks, and everytime you hear of someone else you know being diagnosed it is like a punch in the stomach. I have also seen people I know fight - and become strong individuals because of the disease. Yes, I have witnessed cancer destroying bodies, but I have also seen the strengthening of souls. Also, A woman who I go to church with just found out that the rare disease her only child has - is fatal. ...

Today I have felt nothing but frustration. There was not a particular event that happened today to cause the frustration. . . I just am. It started while I was doing my devotions, just a feeling of sheer annoyance in the pit of my stomach, and I haven't been able to shake it. I prayed about it, tried to figure out why . . . and really my only conclusion is Satan is not too happy with the current arrangement I have with God. The tables have turned in my life. I am frustrated because they told me to "slow down" in my physio routine because I have been feeling a slight pain in my knee and there is some reoccurring bruising. I thought physio is where I am supposed to thrive and push it, not slow down. I am frustrated because I have been waiting 8 weeks for my employment insurance, which I am entitled to, to arrive. Yesterday I got a letter in the mail saying I am not eligible because I don't have a medical certificate. It took them 8 weeks to inform me of this, I have bee...

I filled in my calendar for the month of December. It's going to be a busy month. I LOVE IT! My days are filled with school prep, shifts at work, Christmas/Birthday parties, church functions and just pure awesomeness. Oh and physio three times a week . . . which I LOVE. The last two months have been very low key while recovering from knee surgery, very low key. But now life is busy, there is routine again - well a routine that doesn't involve: Waking up, going to physio, coming home, sitting on the couch watching TLC till bed time - repeat. I find joy in routine, in having things to do, having things to look forward to. I love that I am working again. Have I mentioned how great my job is, how fulfilling it is. Sometimes I complain about work, not sure why. Mostly because it is shift work. If you ever hear me complain about work, please tell me to shut up and remind me that I really do have the best job ever. So stop whining. I am continuing my Captivating journey. The book is l...

What's this? Two blog posts in less than 24 hours? CRAZY! But I had to share this with the blogging world, because my mind is just BLOWN. A good friend of mine, after getting to know me over the last few years has suggested to me over and over again to read Captivating. So I bought it . . . then it sat on my bookshelf for 2 or more years collecting dust. Then A few months ago God put it on my heart to read. So I started reading it, and I got angry. Because it related to me in SO many ways, it was like the book was written to address me and things that I have struggled with. It scared me. So I stopped reading it. (I got to chapter 2) Today I started reading it again, and clearly God has been working on my heart since I put it down at Chapter 2 and started reading it again at Chapter 3. It's amazing. Simply amazing. I am just blown away at the things God is revealing to me what it is to be a true woman of God after HIS heart, not after any one else's. And the biggest thing I ...

So school is coming up, soon . . . really soon. And don't get me wrong I am excited. Last week I had to go to take an "assessment for success" which is basically a test to see where I am at with my English and Math. (Aced the english, failed the math . . . shocking I know). Walking through the halls filled with peers brought an unexpected feeling of anxiety, I was instantly brought back to my first day of grade 9 which brought on the same feeling of anxiety. Have I really not grown in confidence in myself since I was 14? I would like to think that I am more confident in myself but the same mentality of "What if the other kids don't like me?" popped into my head . . . juvenile? Maybe. Immediately following the feeling of anxiety came a sense of peace, God confirming that it's ok, that He's got my back. There are going to be people in walks of life who don't like me, and as hard of a pill as that is to swallow, it's inevitable, and there are a...

This is much more happy person emotionally writing this blog today vs lame old depressed Kim who wrote the last one. I really need to focus on the good and not the bad. Yes. Having knee surgery sucked. Yes. The recovery has been crappy being stuck at home. BUT My knee is fixed, I am no longer in constant pain and my knee cap stays where it should be. Also being home wasn't THAT bad, my mom is amazing and took really good care of me. I am glad God gave me the parents that He did. ALSO God has provided an amazing new church which is now in my heart as well as all the people with it. I now know what it is like to feel a part of a church family. OH AND I got accepted into school!!!!! I had gotten to the point where I convinced myself that I wasn't going to get in and that I was going to have to pay another 95$ to re-apply for September. I got the call on Friday and have be living in the acceptance high since - I am just hoping that, that high lasts for the next 4+ years. I am confi...

It has been awhile since I blogged, not for a lack of time, just a lack of heart and motivation. Time is a funny thing, it dictates so much, to some it is meaningless and to some time is important. . . crucial even. I had my knee surgery last month and it went really well for the most part. Spending the night in the hospital was not the greatest, I didn't sleep well and to be honest I don't remember much of it, just enough that it sucked. The first week was the hardest, my surgeon wanted me to keep my leg elevated, but every time I moved I was in excruciating pain so I wasn't able to. During my post-op appointment they decided to drain excess fluid that had built up in my knee and as soon as they were done doing that I felt INSTANTLY better and it has all been uphill since then - physically. A week or so post-op As for emotionally - well, not so hot. I am a very active person, I love going out and being a part of things I HATE missing out on stuff. My birthday was the week...